he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
