when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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