I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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