i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
