He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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