I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
