Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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