i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
