between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
