I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
