It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
