he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
