She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and she was petting her beer can
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
