I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
