Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
