He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
