Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
