part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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