We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
