tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
