I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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