She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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