He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
