i would punch a child for taco bell
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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