"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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