my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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