There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
