So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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