I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Success! We fucked roommates!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
