Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
