The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
