Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
