He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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