he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
