If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
50% drunk capacity currently
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
