it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
