i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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