So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
