I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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