I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
