well I can't set my house on fire every night
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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