Me too!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
