Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
