She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
