i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
