The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
