You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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