I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
