update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
