You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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