We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
