I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
