made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The beer is more important than you right now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
