whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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